Confronting the Past

The past year has been very strange. First, my heart attack got me all nostalgic and doing a lot of reminiscing about my past. Then, a couple of months ago, I started hearing from people with whom I went to High School on my Facebook page. I had not really thought much about High School and the people from back then in over forty years. In some ways I guess was avoiding my past. Why?

I guess the reason is that the person that went to Upper Moreland High School back in the sixties is not really who I am anymore and have not been that person in a very, very long time. People back there knew me as Bernie, I now go by John because Bernie, to me, is totally inappropriate.

Bernie was shy, and very socially awkward. Also, he felt he was not liked by very many people. John, on the other hand, is quite gregarious and certainly not socially awkward. In fact, he’s been accused on numerous occasions of being somewhat arrogant. John is also quite outspoken, and that has gotten “worse” with age. Lol.

Hearing from all these “phantoms” from my past has been very emotionally ambivalent. I mean, I’m glad to hear from these people, but it has made me uncomfortable, probably because it’s been so long.

Because of all these trips down memory lane, I am seriously considering using this blog as a way to talk about my past. Given that I don’t know how long I have left in this life, I want to leave my “memoirs” for my children, at least. There is much about me they do not know. And this is the easiest way for me to tell them.

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One Year Ago Today

Today is the one year anniversary of my heart attack and pulmonary edema. It is also the one-year anniversary of my quitting smoking after some fifty years. I look at every day since March 20th 2012 as my “playing with house money.” For all intents and purposes, I should’ve died and probably “deserved” to die. Thanks to the love and strength of will of my wife and children, I am still here and hope to stay for a long time. This date will be more important to me my own birthday.